This Is For You

It's been a year. Maybe a little more. Either way, so much has happened since the last time I wrote something here. I won't attempt to summarize everything that occurred this year, or else I'd be here for days.

Looking back at my old posts, I see how much of myself I used to put out here. I replaced this blog with a new one, one that's way more public and way less personal. I realized how much I miss actually reflecting on things. I don't want to go through life on autopilot. I don't want to simply be. Sometimes I wonder what the point of all of it is. If we're just gonna die, why even bother? The search for meaning seems to be the eternal struggle not just for me, but for everyone.

College has exposed me to a whole new culture and a whole new pool of people. From these people I have learned so much, and they have helped me on this never-ending search for a defined identity. But the truth is, does anyone ever find it? Is anyone ever really able to say "this is who I am" with no doubt, no question? I don't think so. When our parents had us, they were just improvising. I bet they didn't really feel like grownups. I bet they still don't. When I have my kids, I'll be winging it all the way, and they'll look at me and see nothing but maturity and experience. But it won't really be there, because deep down I'm just a kid who doesn't know what she's doing, trying to do the right thing.

Wow, this post took a turn I didn't really expect... I guess I needed this more than I thought. I need this little solace to write down what goes on in my mind and hope it makes some sense. Who am I writing for? I don't even know if anyone reads this, I'm sure as hell not going to propagate this on Facebook or Twitter. No, that's for my other blog. The one about my funny experiences. I won't put my soul into Facebook or Twitter.

This one is for whoever stumbles upon here accidentally. Or maybe it's for my future self. Or a mix of both. One person commented, over a year ago, on two of my posts. Someone who does not know me, but at the same time knows me better than anyone else, in more ways that none. So this is for you, Arthur. This is for everyone out there in this anonymous world of the Internet who stumbles upon this blog one day.

This is for the silence. This is for the soul. This is for the echo.

Is there anybody out there?